32 Things I Know for Sure: The Lessons 32 Years of Life Have Taught Me

Two years ago, in  honor of my 30th birthday, I wrote 30 Mostly Useless Things I've Learned in 30 Years. It seems that one of the things I did not manage to learn in 30 years on this planet was math, because there were only 29 items on the list. I've learned a lot over these last two years, which have been some of the hardest and best of my life. So I decided to try to offer some substantive wisdom rather than a tongue-in-cheek roundup of the bizarre lessons life has taught me.

My husband and I often joke that we need to create a book entitled Things We Know for Sure. If we were more organized, we could fill such a book with the dozens of lessons life teaches us every week. Sadly, learning lots of lessons also means being incredibly busy, so I've had to distill the stuff I know for sure down to this list.

9 Questions I Want to Ask Whites Who Don't Believe in Institutional Racism

Today I got into a discussion about racism with a white woman on Facebook. She followed the predictable script: She asserted that Dr. King would abhor protests (she called them riots) against police brutality, and when I pointed her to literature indicating otherwise, she became incensed, insisted she was being bullied, and refused to engage any further. White skin sure can be thin skin.

No, Millennials Are Not Selfish, Lazy, and Narcissistic: Busting the Myths About Generation Y

It's cool to mock Millennials. We're the lazy products of helicopter parents. We have no work ethic. We're spoiled, deluded narcissists. The hysteria has grown shrill, hyperbolic, and completely unbelievable. So unbelievable, in fact, that I'd be inclined to ignore it altogether if it weren't for the fact that my generation's alleged--and often contradictory--faults serve as everything from an excuse not to hire us to a reason to ignore our political campaigns.

I'm Not a Cop, So I Don't Believe That Obnoxious Behavior Gives Me the Right to Kill People: A Response to Sunil Dutta

Police brutality is kind of a problem, and most people have begun to realize this, thanks to events in Ferguson and elsewhere in the country. But in response to criticism, authoritarian personalities tend to clamp down even harder than before, desperately searching for any explanation -- no matter how ridiculous -- for the savage, brutal behavior of some police officers.

Others have addressed the problem of police brutality far better than I ever could. The death penalty is not an appropriate penalty for shoplifting. Being maced or beaten is not an appropriate penalty for "talking back" or asserting your Constitutional rights. Black people are not inherently criminal and prone to rioting; people riot for a reason. I know this. You know this. All intelligent, decent people know this. So I'm not going to waste my time arguing that it's not ok for police officers to openly assault people. Instead, I think it's more important to address the problematic reasoning behind police violence.

The bullshit spewed forth by people who want to defend the trampling of basic Constitutional rights, though, is absolutely ceaseless. Enter Sunil Dutta, whose recent op-ed for the Washington Post endeavors, like so many other fluff pieces full of unsupported assertions, to defend the brutality of police officers. So let's slay some bullshit and attack each of Dutta's claims, point by point.

All Aboard the Misery Train: Here's What It's Really Like to Quit Smoking

I quit smoking earlier this year. Just saying that feels a little strange, since my long love affair with nicotine was largely a secret to the people who love me most. I had a lot of shame about smoking because smoking killed so many people I loved, and because I'm otherwise really committed to my health. I also spent the first 20ish years of my life as a rabid anti-smoker, so turning into a smoker made me feel like a horrible person.

On Suicide, Communal Responsibility, and Why Suicide Hotlines Aren't Enough

Robin Williams killed himself yesterday. Predictably, Facebook is aflutter with tributes, photos, and proclamations that suicide is never the answer. I think it's really great that Robin Williams touched so many lives, and this outpouring of grief is indisputable evidence of the bottomless emptiness suicide leaves in its wake. In a few days, though, the commotion will die down, and the shocking number of people who feel suicidal will yet again be left to deal with their ceaseless agony all alone. I am tired of living in a culture that pretends suicide is tragic while doing little to stop it.

It's Not About Chivalry and Resisting Temptation: Here's What Good Men Really Do

The epitome of all that is masculine goodness: my husband.

Even the most cursory perusal of Facebook yields the conclusion that we have a serious problem of masculinity. Men are encouraged by popular culture, by other men, and by the women who let them get away with shitty behavior to act like overgrown manchildren. For some men, this cultural indoctrination turns abusive. Because there are so many men who just aren't up to being decent relationship partners, many women have learned to accept less than they deserve. The result is an entire cottage industry of blog posts telling women how to tell if a guy is a good one and encouraging them to only pick men who do relationships right.