About Me

An Eristic Delusion is a concept in Discordianism, a made-up/very real parody religion. People suffering from Eristic Delusions are so distracted by disorder and strife that they are unable to see the chaos inherent in order.

I hate talking about myself, especially when I'm supposed to make myself sound like a serious, grown-up professional sort of person. I like cheese, animals, chai tea lattes, good literature, bad literature, sarcasm, orchids, Dr. Pepper, numbers, Karl Popper, philosophy, frilly dresses, the color pink, critical theory, humility, honesty, linguistics, science, and fairies.

I dislike some other things, most notably bad science and vapid intellectual theories.

Eight fun Zawn facts:

• In third grade, I was so upset by what I perceived as rampant rule-breaking in my school that I embarked upon a massive snitching campaign. For a year, I typed up anonymous notes reporting on and providing evidence of other students' bad behavior and deposited these notes in teachers' and administrators' mailboxes. 
• I'm a feminist, an anarcho-syndicalist, and a vegetarian. I can't stand most people who subscribe to these philosophies. 
• In elementary and middle school, I wrote my own newspaper and convinced about 1,000 kids to subscribe to Neat News. In third grade, I published a pro-choice editorial in said newspaper that got me in all kinds of trouble at school. 
• I live with my husband, two dogs, two tortoises, four turtles, 60 orchids, and a bearded dragon. This is the smallest number of pets we have ever had. I'm a dedicated animal rescuer and cannot say no to any animal. Ever. This proclivity has necessitated a tetanus shot on several occasions. 
• I'm a professional writer. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I hate everything I've ever written. Including this blog. Including this sentence. 
• I often pretend not to know something so that I can get a self-styled expert to reveal his or her own ignorance. 
• I want to live my life in such a way that I never cause anyone anywhere any pain. I cannot say no to a stranger in need. I cannot say no to anyone. I don't think this is a character weakness or the product of a psychological problem. I think everyone should live this way, and I regularly lambast myself for my myriad failings. 
• I have always been obsessed with science and nature. When I was a child, my brother and I broke our parents' septic tank to build a pond, then swam in the water for a day. When my dad told us we had probably contracted a terrible disease, we were unconcerned. Instead, we wanted to put samples of our skin under a microscope. 

Maybe I'll create a better About page later, but probably not.