Snow in Atlanta: We're All Going to Die Because There's an Inch of Snow on the Ground

The view from our house on our last night on Earth.

There is something really satisfying about watching life devolve into a parody of its stereotypical self. And every few years, when the snow rains down its freezing flakes of death upon the city of Atlanta, that is precisely what happens.

This morning, we awoke to see a few specks of the evil substance covering the ground. By noon, the city had devolved into complete anarchy. Our street is currently covered in snow because everyone refuses to drive. And that turns out to be a good thing, because out there in this freezing inferno, all hell has broken loose. Highlights so far include:

-Children have been trapped in their schools and on their school buses by the evil flakes of doom.

-75 has been completely shut down, with many people waiting on the interstate for 10 hours or more. There are currently about a dozen people on my Facebook news feed opening their homes to complete strangers who have had to walk miles in the snow to gain shelter. 

-The grocery stores have run out of food, because bread and milk are the only known defenses against the snowbeast. Presumably gun stores are also running low on ammo since this whole thing is likely an Obama administration conspiracy. 

-Flights have been canceled, leaving thousands of travelers stranded in Atlanta -- the city that has no food, no clear streets, and no safe means of transportation. 

-The Governor has declared a state of emergency. 

In response to this half inch of snow-induced horror, I decided to give up all internal filters and post every politically inflammatory thought that came into my brain on Facebook. After all, the snow will surely kill us all within 24 hours. I invited my friends to celebrate the apocalypse by also posting the most inflammatory things they could think of. Within an hour, my breasts had been knighted, we were planning a parade for Edward Snowden, pregnancy was deemed a gay conspiracy, and Edward Snowden's accomplice outed himself. 

It has been a glorious last day on Earth.

***Update: The neighbors just lit the snow in their front yard on fire.